P.S. I Hate You

Long story short…

Dad cheats on mom for my current step-mom. Dad and step-mom has baby…baby comes out mentally challenged. They send him to live with relatives in China because they can’t take care of him in the U.S.

I buy my step-mom a webcam so they can talk and see each other online.

First interaction…step-mom is ecstatic to see son for the first time in years on the webcam.

My dad looks over and completely ignores his mentally challenged son. Step mom calls him over to say hi. He gives her the dirtiest look I’ve seen him give anyone and continues watching his Chinese drama.

Congrats dad. I seriously think you managed to siphon any last remaining bit of pity/hope I had left for you.

Truly a disgusting fucker.

Ridiculous on the Seventh Degree

So…Google apparently is the magic answer to everything according to my parent’s logic.

A Year of Sunshines and Hail

It’s almost the end of my first year at college…and words cannot describe the inexplicable thoughts that are intangibly floating around in my head. While first semester was less than notable, I really found my place second semester. This place is far from perfect and far from what I was expecting but that’s the beauty of of it. I’m able to accept the things that I can’t change and work hard towards the things I can.

Syracuse 2009-2010, you sure have been one hell of a ride.

Cheers,

Jin Huang

Contemplation

If only respecting one another, understanding each other’s views and loving humanity was as easy as it seemed on paper.

Cheers,
J. Huang

A Cloud in the Sky

Life is good. But the incompetency here at ESF is really irking me.

Transfer to NYU or am I just saying this out of anger because people can’t do jack shit? Fucking group work.

Equinox Belated

The weather is screaming happiness and puppies. May spring treat you guys just as well as it’s treating me.

Art Projects

1) Black & White Stripes Still-life

2) Family Portrait (charcoal and carbothello)

3) Sketchbook (start it again)

Cheers,

J. Huang

Ramblings

I was going to use an old blog post I wrote for an introduction to my research paper with minor adjustments but then I realized that it was in no way related to my topic…and was basically incoherent ramblings. Still, I kind of liked it for its sordidness and convoluted bullcrap. God, I love going to an environmental school where I can write this shit without being reprimanded by my writing professor for being to condescending and self-righteous (both of which I am).

“The destruction of the environment for human profit, thinning of the ozone layer due to extensive PCB usage, and a mass extinction of life on this planet have all failed to reach the cataclysmic proportions that modern-day prophets have foretold. Is this possibly due to human ingenuity and mankind’s impeccable ability to adapt? Or rather, is it possible that we are beginning to reach our capacity and is pushing not only our limits but nature’s limits in maintaining itself? Or in the worse case scenario, have the crises previously mentioned already reached cataclysmic proportions but we have yet to feel the sting in our paychecks, in our bills, or in the numbers in our bank accounts? Whatever the possible one scenario that we are living out (or perhaps a overlap of several), one thing remains for sure in these uncertain times: life goes on. Should civilization collapse in the next century, life will go on. Whether or not it is human life is debatable at this point but the point remains. Should mankind find itself becoming sustainable in the near future or find a hospitable neighboring planet to inhabit, life will go on. Whether or not this is a fairy tale is debatable at this point but the point remains.”

Cheers,

J. Huang

On Brink of the Aides of March

I’m sorry. I promised I would get back to this blog soon enough once work was over but I’m beginning to realize that it may not be that way again (until probably Summer). It’s not that I’m swamped with work but rather, I’m finding myself not needing to express or vent like I use to.

I found friends here who listen, who care, who genuinely respond when I talk to them. I also found an outlet, that is called art,  that I wasn’t able to fully culminate before. I found my purpose.

This feeling may be ephemeral but for now, I don’t think I need this blog anymore. Maybe I’ll come back to it when life gets boring again, when my purpose becomes muddled, and when I wallow in my existence again. But for now, I enjoy this sense of serenity…of sheer inner peace.

I’m not flagging down my friends from high school because they have probably shaped me more than anything else but I think I’ve matured this year to a point where I just don’t need to do the things I use to do.

So for now,

Cheers,

J. Huang

And Life Goes On

Rushing and pledging for APO has singlehandedly been the smartest thing I’ve done since I got here at ESF. My big and twin are awesome. My family is flippin’ amazing. Running for vice president of fellowship, as much work as it is, is probably going to be a smart investment in my part. I’ve rarely stayed in the background when it comes to things like these so hopefully, everything will just fall in place. Anyway, I found this on my Tumblr that I wrote a few months back. Funny thing is that I still feel the same way….I usually change my mind after a way or two. So for those who didn’t read this, enjoy my cynicism.

God, college is so fundamentally boring and mostly useless that I wish I just dropped out of H.S., got a GED, took out a few loans, and started my own business. Life would be so much more simplistic that way. Yet, I know I could never do something like that because I’m just pathetic that way. We’re all kind of pathetic that way.

Society has set a standard for us and we are raised to believe and follow that standard. Heh…look at where that kind of mentality has bought us today.

Deforestation, global climate change, starvation, war, crime, corruption. Yet, these things are fueled by the very things we want to achieve and have in life: money, consumerism, wealth, power, fame.

Whoa, there I am…at it again. I’m such a hypocrite. I write about all these grievances but I have done absolutely nothing to help resolve them. If anything, I have contributed to them.

I write. Abstract. Think. Where the fuck is the action?

Society has bred all of us to become the mindless, useless, conventional zombies that we are today. I am just as ignorant, pretentious, and stupid as the next person in line waiting for something interesting to happen.

So yeah, I still think we’re mindless drones. Hurray!

Cheers,

J. Huang